10-16-06

That’s right kids I’m back and writing again.   actually this was a class assignment and after I read it to the class a “girl” accused me of being sexist.  You decide.  One more thing this is some decent advice so take note. 

Kevin Kallas

Eng 111

            Have you every been on the phone with some one of the opposite sex and you have no idea why your still on the phone?  If the answer is yes then you might want to read this paper, and if the answer is no read it anyway.  I’m going to explain why men and women are so different on the phone.  But to understand why, I’m going to guide you though the three kinds of conversations people can have. Man to man conversation short in sweet, women to women conversations, story time  and most important man to women conversations, some where in the middle of the first two.

            Lets get down to the basics men use the phone as a tool.  The typical conversation last all but forty five seconds and usual goes like this.

“sup”

“nutin”

“Want do something”

“cool”

“My place ten min”

That’s the biggest reason a man will use the phone short and to the point.  The only other occasion that a man will call another man is to make fun of some one and to spread the word as quickly as possible.  When my friend got pulled over for drunk driving, there were six other guys in the car, by the time my friend cleared his breathalyzer test about fifty other guys knew about it.  So that’s basically the mentally of men, if it’s not to make a plan or to poke fun at some one it’s just not worth talking about.

            The next subject is women to women conversations.  A man could study this subject for years and still not understand the complexity of these issues. I’m going to share me wealth of knowledge that I have obtained form countless interviews and hours of tapping phone calls, just kidding about the phone calls.  From what I understand, a girl can call a girl for no reason.  Yes men thats hard to believe but it’s true, for no reason just to talk.  They can talk about boys, or anything else, and even the occasional feelings.  Just today my girl friend called her friend just to say that there was a scary squirrel looking at her though the window.  Another thing that I have uncovered is that the conversations can start on one subject and then quickly jump to another, and then that conversation can jump to another one.  The scariest part about this is that these conversations can last for hours.  Not seconds, not minutes but hours, that’s like 3600 seconds.  That is about seventy-five man conversation.  So what I know about women and there phone calls isn’t much but it’s all laid out in this paragraph. They can last a long time, happen for know reason, and switch subjects, a lot.  

            That’s all I know about the art of conversation but I think it covered some very important things.  Men just use the phone as a tool or making fun of some one that’s it and that’s all.  Women use the phone for anything that pops into their head and that’s fun for them.  Lastly, the conversation between men and women; men stay interested ask questions, women just realize it probably won’t be a hour talk about evil looking squirrels.  If the rules that I have laid out in this paper are followed, the man to women telephone call can actually be an enjoyable part of your day.  

            I hope I having giving you enough background information for the tricky subject I’m about to tackle.  The subject is the man to women phone call.  This is essential part to any relationship so men and women take note.  It’s all about finding the middle ground where the women is satisfied with the length and content, and the man hasn’t strangled himself with the telephone cord because he just doesn’t care about how many red and yellow socks you have.  So how does anybody find this middle ground? First, it takes practice so don’t get discouraged if you don’t get it the first couple of times.  The man has the hardest part in this psychological dance.  The man must make sure that the conversation isn’t to short.  A good tool to use is the timer on a cell phone if it is under ten minutes you better keep talking, once the fifteen minute plus range is reached you should be in the clear.  Most importantly never, be afraid to ask how their day was.  This is one of the best questions a man can ask, it leads to more topics and women like it when you find take a interest in there day.  If a man use that question, has a decent sense of humor, and watches the clock he should be in the clear.  Now for the women, the most important things is don’t except the same kind of conversation you have with your girlfriends.  Women have the easier of the two jobs, but it still isn’t easy by any means.  The two most important things a women has to do is watch the clock and pay attention to his voice and pauses if there are any.  Women if you have been talking to a man for more then 20 minutes and lapses in the conversation appear it’s time to wrap the conversation up. He did the best he could but he’s a man so he can’t concentrate very long and the conversation is already twenty minutes longer than usual.  Basically women keep it at a realistic time, and men ask questions about their day it will make everything easier.

After the girl accused me of being a sexist, the teacher took a pole and I won 27 to 2.

Take that.

Kapn Kool

2-8-2006

1-13-2006

12-29-2005

if any of you have read kenny's new column, i think we can all agree on fat people shouldn't be aloud to vote or live.  According to "i hate fat people" kenny gilkerson states "it is time for a final solution to kill all of the fat people".  One problem with that theory kenny.  I love little debbie snacks and if we blame the food companies for making fating foods we would be with out delicious treats.  If any has any comments about my views about fat people i really don't care because your wrong.  It's just the fat people's fault no one else.  That would be like blaming myself if some street whore has ten kids.  And if the dirty dems "democrats" or Lutherans had there way i would have to pay for it.  But luckily W won and the RC "roman Catholics" are still in power.  So thats about it but tune in for tomorrow for comments on harry potter and what one of my brothers looks like naked. just kidding but not really.

so what did we learn, hate fatty and love the snack companies.

kevin "dallas" kallas
 

12-8-2005 *the preceding does not reflect the views of pcdistance.com, its web master, or anyone affiliated with pcdistance.com. The preceding is the sole opinion of the writer.

I really didn't know what to write about this time but it doesn't matter what i write about.  William still refuses to look at the article but the truth hurts William and it's best to come out of the closet, not that he's gay, just his love of animals.  But that subject is like beating a dead horse well.... in William's case stroking a live horse. 

As some of you may know Alex has a new girl friend.  She is about 5'9", she's all woman, and teaches math. Any one have any guesses? well  I'm if you thinking about (name deleted by web master) the mountain woman who poses to be a math teacher you are right.  Before you nay sayers began with the "I have no proof" rant, listen to this and yes children this may even scare you.  On the last day of the tri (name deleted by the web master) or Ms. Risse, as she has been rumored to call her self that lately, came into to our fourth hour class wearing Alex's letter jacket, and what did Alex say?  "Omg I left that in class."  Now what kind of classes are we taking about, maybe classes on early parenting or how to live with a STD, but regardless of what "class" he my have been in the fact remains that Ms. "Risse" was wearing his letter jacket.  When Ms. "Risse" walked in she did a pose and looked very comfortable while doing it which makes me believe that she has done it before.  But under what circumstances? I'll leave you to decide.  Another strange happening in this love nest is the fact that Alex's grade in math sky rocketed after mid try.  was this by his own doing I think not.  But Alas I must gather more information on this subject before I comment anymore.  So, for the people who are still reading this tell me if you see anything suspicious going on between the too. make sure to tell me

Good night and God bless

William, I ate chicken tonight deal with it Pig.

OH, yeah PCCC RULES!!!

12-1-2005:       Note from Kenny: the proceeding is all in good fun, well at least kinda, but not really.

Well this article has to do with some disturbing news.  Some of it is from the source of willam's own mouth and from other people.  But what your about to learn today is troubling to say the least.  lets lighten the mood with a joke form one
Abe Rejo AKA "alex"

Why did the turkey cross the road?

because William didn't shoot it.

funny huh but now back to the troubling news.  WILLIAM IS A MEMBER OF PETA.  He "missed" the turkey.  but riddle me this how does one miss a turkey with a shot gun?  from ten feet away.  the only conclusion is that he missed on purpose.  Then we have the deer season to discuss.  he "saw" and "shot" at a deer this year.  There is no proof that he actually fired a round from his gun.  The non peta people have a saying for deer hunting, "if it's brown, it goes down"  but william's deer didn't go down, not at all, because why, he didn't shoot.  Another disturbing fact is that william is friends with well known gun hater, Robert Nelson. he has been quoted as saying "guns are stupid and why would you need them."  Well mr. Nelson, Let's say this, a moutain lion breaks into your house and tries to start some s**t? Are you going to use your gun and be a man or are you going to go back to playing starcraft and let your dog get killed. it's your choice.  I chose gun every time.  William has also been a member of many railes for peta each picture is troubling, so i will only show one of them. 

But in the picture you can see that he hates KFC but why would he hate KFC?  He thinks the chickens aren't treated well, thats right chickens have "feelings."  The only "feelings" of a chicken i care about is how it feels in my stomach.  So by and by watch your back around william, he is a two headed snake who posses as a hunter but goes to peta rallies on the side.  What can you do to help bring the truth out.  just ask him why he missed that turkery.  A toodler could have made that shot and so could have a drunken midget, yes a drunken midget.

In conclsuison, william the great white hunter? No,
but should he be punished for his lies? in this man's opinion, yes, yes he should.

so good night, and always remember, keep your friends close and your guns closer.

If you have comments on this post Kevin asks you to email him at fatmaninalittlecoat69@yahoo.com

11-15-2005:

So i'm sitting here and should be doing my A+ homework. for those of you who don't know what A+ is, take one part prison, one part smart mouth, and one part high strung teacher.  Lets just give a example today the teacher threatend the whole class with detention be cause this was printed on the school printer,

*WARING*
if not the age of 13 and up don't look at this. it's not kenny's job to make  sure you don't look at some things... but it's about James Suess you it might me approiate.






JAmes Loves  8) ) ) ) ) ) )

isn't that hilarous.

So i know what you all want to read so i'm gonna give it to ya.  yes it is the review for GET RICH AND DIE TRYING. . .
Ironicaly the moive did get rich but the plot ending up dieing.  maybe if we haden't wacthed it at 12:00 at night and maybe if i was terriferd of the some of the audeince and maybe just maybe if they wouldn't have tried to put a love storie in a gansta moive.  And we all know what 50 thinks about *chicken Heads*  and if you don't my i suggest listen to track nine on the Masscar CD.
lets just say it goes like this.
I got no pick up lines i stay on the grind and i tell the hoes all the time *put something in that ryhmes with mitch* in my car.  well that perdy much *raps* it up get it raps.

What have we learned today? no gansta love and wacth what you print

good night and good luck

 

First column 11-12-2005:

Warning the follow column doesn't have good grammar or puntation... if you care, don't read it. and it's about 12:49 so cut me some slack in the PM.

 as i sit here today i realize that i'm wrting a column for a web site that i know longer need to know about. Does this bother me i think not. First thing on the colum: the man who writes the sun post is a facist. In the article it states that Dylain Cahill ran at state last which we all know was a lie. That was suppost to be a certain kenny gilkerson, you may rember him from such cross country teams like the one that just went to state...

THIS just in: don't see Jar Head it was the wrost moive every made. Have you every wacthed paint dry. have you, if you have answerd yes to that question you have seen all about Jar Head has to offer. And if kenny lets me write another column i will tell you about the new bollwing alley and the 50 centy new moive, woot woot.
 

2 2 peace

nate your not getting it back

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