New 06-10-06:

Many people are aware of the recent Viking's boat cruise scandal.  What most people do not know is that there was another cruise in which questionable behavior may have occurred.

Last month our very own Nate Wallace attended a week long cruise in the Caribbean.  What was he up to during his voyage?  Rumors are circulating that he took a very "viking-like" attitude while at sea.  His "activities" while on the cruise have been labeled "Nate's Shenanigans"  by some, and may soon become "Wallace's Worries", if rumors of a pending indictment come to pass.  Details on what actually went on over the duration of the voyage are sketchy at best, but there is clear evidence that Nate is attempting some sort of cover up on the issue. When asked to comment on the situation Mr. Wallace replied something to the effect of, "Get out of my face or I will eat your children and/or pets"  does that sound like the words of an innocent man?  There is photographic evidence that Nate has had a history of  attending "lude" cruises the past, as can be seen in the following picture.



As you can see, it is obvious that Nate's crazy cruise was shady at best.  Feel free to post your own conclusions on the subject, Kenny will post them here.

Nate's Response:

      I would like to begin by denouncing everything that Mr. Risse said about the goings on of my Cruise. While it is true that on most nights I stayed out past 4am with people that I had recently met on the very ship we were on, there was absolutely no “lude” behavior to be found. In fact, to prove my point I went so far as to contact Carnival Cruise Lines and ask if I could speak to the employee named Jeni who manned the all night pizza parlor on the ship Destiny. I was successful in my quest and when I asked him if he remembered who I was he responded with “Ah, Nate, yes I remember! You were the kid who kept me going that whole week by spending your nights with me at my pizza stand, and for that I thank you.” This fine Philippino man has just provided me with such a tight alibi for where I was at night on the cruise you can not possibly still believe that any “shenanigans” occurred at all. The people I met, whose names I will not release for their own safety are strictly friends. You might be saying “Nate why would you be going to Ohio to visit them then?” Well, don’t you like to spend time with your friends? I know I do and this is the only reason that I’m going down to see them, because they’re my friends. To conclude, I hope that all of you read Alex’s column and write responses, I’m sure they’ll provide me with minutes of entertainment. I know what I did on my vacation and now, thanks to this letter you all do as well. I hope there will be no more evil rumors of Nate’s Shenanigans circulating the halls of Park Center because all rumors do is hurt people and that is something I wish not to happen. 
 

Yours in Christ,

Nate ‘Purity Earring’ Wallace

Annika's Response:

As we all know it was a few days ago: April 20, 2006. Now those of you with nothing to do on your hands, and had any extra money you a)stole b)hustled c)worked hard for..  was used up to binge on some weeeeeed. Now this illegal substance was given a day for celebration, how this deals with "Wallace's Worries" you ask? Just a second. April 20, 2006 was actually the "celebration"  for some of Adolf Hitler's 107th birthday. Yes the Fuhrer himself. Now has anyone else noticed Nathan Wallace enjoys carving, sketching, etching, scribbling, etc. the swastika on every empty space possible? Nathan informed me, April 21, 2006, that he made a "Hitler cake" complete with an icing drawing of a swastika. Now why would Nate want to go on a "cruise"? Sure that's believable, a vacation right? Or the perfect cover up for a Neo-Nazi gathering. Don't believe me? Well, please, give me another theory

Annika

Short Note from Kenny:

These are my thoughts after reading Nate's explanation. When I was reading it, I got two main points from it. Nate had a Philippino love slave on the cruise, and he now has an illegitimate child in Ohio. Thats the real reason why he is traveling all the way to Ohio to see his friend. Read it again and see if you pick up on the subtle clues Nate left in an attempt to free his heavy conscience. Coincidence, I think not.

Robert's Response:

Nate on a Cruise

Now I know “Snakes on a Plane” hasn’t been released yet but I’m sure that it’s similar to this fiasco that I like to call “Nate on a Cruise”. Now, one has Samuel L. Jackson and the other just has Nate and a bunch of foreigners but there are similarities. If “Nate on a Cruise” was an actual movie I imaging the plot outline would go something like:

 On board a flight cruise over the Pacific Ocean Caribbean, a assassin Junior, bent on killing seducing a passenger Philippino who's a witness Neo-Nazi in protective custody disguise, lets loose a crate full of deadly snakes. 

 Of course I can only assume that he did, in fact, let loose a crate full of deadly snakes. I mean who wouldn’t?

 -Robert